Do not romanticize about baby walkers shaped like cars, wooden crib that can turn into a neat bed, potty disguised as a lady bug. Stop romanticizing about your sacrifices because really, you just need rest. Get enough rest and get that perm you’ve been fantasizing about for weeks. Go out with your friends and buy all the beautiful books about parenting, motherhood and creative writing. Break is vital. That is all. Love, Your rational self
One afternoon, I asked you out and in an hour, you were ready. A mother suffering from postpartum depression found solace in the little space we shared that day. It was as if the tree house we have always dreamt of building never needed the woodwork. We can even build a whole village, even cities.
Rae Rival-Cosico is a nanay and a teacher. She also plays Langit Lupa, piko and tumbang preso with her students at Philippine High School for the Arts. St. Scholastica’s College, Manila and Linangan sa Imahen, Retorika at Anyo inspired her to pursue writing. View her free writing at citiesandcolumns.wordpress.com
Sometimes, I am blinded by familiarity. I need to estrange you once in a while.
My son has a lot of pet names. Eggnog, baby, eli, ely, elsa (lol), Jacint (pronounced as jay-cint), tutoy, utoy, eggy. I want him to be called Ayo, which means good day in Dumaguete.
It’s an achievement when I find myself smiling despite my child’s tantrums. My little victories: making my son sleep, making him laugh, bringing him to work, surviving tantrums without losing my patience, seeing him play with his hands or simply behaving like a well-mannered kid. He likes new people and smiles to all the strangers that Nanay introduces to him. That makes me proud (although I need to monitor that as well!)
A compromise, a promise, a prom, a mis, an I. A conundrum is a compromise waiting to be uttered. Sadness is an illusion that fades once the trick has been revealed.
I look older but I feel warmer. I am crippled by unpleasant news and it makes it hard to function normally but I am masking immobility. I am hurt, in pain, shocked by the sudden parting. May mga puwang na mabigat. I am a mother and that is all that matters now. I am a mother first and foremost. A mother. What an enchanting role. I am a teacher and my students must be nurtured. I am a teacher first and foremost not a coordinator. Not a manager but a nurturer. I am not being impolite when I am airing my concerns, I am not being impolite when I am questioning, I am not being impolite when I am trying to act and settle differences. I am not being impolite when I don’t answer letters or when I remind people that my job is limited to my priorities and my main responsibilities. I must not be crippled. I am must always be composed and I must keep moving for my son, for my students, for my family and myself.
Beginnings, endings and middles require work. We begin and then we succeed. We falter right before we reach the end. We struggle to swim through the middle and then we falter to succeed and struggle to begin.
You are as old as his death. We shall, we shall never forget.
Despite this blog’s mediocrity, I wish to retain its purity. No grumbling, just positive energy and masked immobility. Today’s love & light include riding the bus with the students and reveling in their youthful aura, one-on-one consultations after conducting an exam and learning to be respectful despite the inner rage. A delightful atmosphere followed me around and helped me close the day feeling hopeful.
These are our last photos as co-workers. All the letters, the farewell gifts, the dinner dates will never suffice. You will always be one of my greatest mentors.
The most exciting part about familiarity is finding ways to defamiliarize. How we try to find meaning in words that are often uttered. Sometimes, we invent a myth, a personal origin. Often, we simply pretend that we know when to use them, how to arrange them, why we let them slip. We try to use the most accurate words in an attempt to transfer the weight of its meaning, the lightness of its sound. 9/10/4
In the future, we will fly a kite, make paper planes and cardboard houses, create beautiful shadows in the dark and hopscotch upon rainbow-chalked boxes. Your childhood shall be a wondrous project that we will share. 7/24/2014
We’re in the middle of a big project. What an exciting year!
You allowed us to sleep so soundly because of exhaustion. Thank you for the warm welcome and the awesome bed. Your roads, by the way, seem endless. We kept singing songs in an attempt to get along but they are too cunning. Your pinakbet pizza, bagnet and longganisa are heavenly. There’s this place inside your Currimao called Sitio Remedios and it turns more beautiful every time we return to her. I saw a Catholic wedding and a beach wedding, what did you want to tell me? P.S. Your children, the waves, are pushy.
Umulan man sa bundok,
Huwag sa dakong laot.
Aba si Kasampalok,
Nanaw nang di ko loob,
Walang baong kumot.
